The story of us

I am admittedly someone who thinks a lot!!! I could be sitting in a bus with earphones on but be a million miles away at the same time. So that's why I write. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and gain a better perspective about things. I developed this habit in high school after reading
 'The 7 habits of highly effective teens' by Sean Covey and consequentially began keeping a journal. So recently while randomly going through my computer I stumbled upon this piece I had written. A close pal of mine was going through some issues in her life and as usual to organize my thoughts on the whole subject and the conversation we'd had, I wrote. So now I think I'll share it with you...

Frustration...

That’s the only word that can describe this feeling. I miss you but I can’t tell you. You wormed your way into my heart and became the rare friend I could feel comfortable with at any time. The person I could tell anything without editing a single word. I felt it was kind of the same for you. And it was great, really it was.

    But then the lines got a little bit blurred. Ok, fine that may be the understatement of the year!! They got very blurred. I kinda, sort of fell for you and at some point I thought that you felt the same way. But I was so good at deception that I lied to myself. I refused to see the obvious even when it was clear what you felt for somebody else. And when I did see, I deluded myself thinking things would change and that you’d come around. Thinking that one day you’d see me differently. Boy!!! I must have really overdone those mushy books and movies!! So I became your confidante. Your most faithful friend who would have done anything to make sure you were ok. Always listening and waiting for an opportunity for us to become something more. But that door just didn’t open.

   That’s why it was shocking. When you suddenly stopped talking to me. Maybe you saw what I felt, or maybe you didn’t. Either way I’ll never know because that’s a conversation that I’m too much of a coward to have with you. So I might never really have the closure that I needed.

   It felt like a break-up. I know we hadn’t really been dating or anything but like I said, the lines got a little blurred. So it was like a disease. The 1^st stage was pain. Pain and disbelief. And then I got angry. Angry at you for doing this to me. Angry at myself for having let you. Finally, resolution. I realised that I couldn’t stay that way forever. That I needed to move on coz surely God had something better in store for me. I realised that it was mostly my fault for letting myself fall since you probably never even knew or meant for it to happen.

   That was where the healing began. A classic case of ‘Once bitten, twice shy’. I chose to let go and move on. In a way, I owe you thanks. That experience taught me caution, and to put boundaries in my life. For my sake as well as theirs because I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy.

   Everyday, it gets a little better. I feel so much more wiser than I was then. And even though I in some way miss the friendship we had, I understand that maybe your part in my story is done and it’s time to close that door. Some things just aren’t meant to be. So this is goodbye. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me and I wish you all the best in what you do. This is a step away from our history, and towards a new chapter in my life
              Adios......

To love is nothing,

To be loved is something,

To love and be loved is everything........