Just saying no

   The other day I was in a Matatu headed to town, my nose deep in a book. This gentleman sat down next to me while having a lengthy phone conversation. At some point during the ride he finished his conversation, disconnected the phone and turned to me. Our conversation went something like this:

Him:      How are you?

Me:        *pretends not to hear*

                (Because this is Nairobi and I’m not particularly in the habit of talking to random strangers. Also, he might be trying to hit on me. There was something about the way he said that statement; how are you?)

Him:      *A bit louder*

                How are you?

Me:        *sighs inwardly, replies tersely*

                I’m fine

                *Turns back to book immediately in an effort to discourage further conversation*

Him:      I’m John

Me:        *Continues to read book*

Him:      Would you mind giving me your name? (So he was trying to hit on me)

Me:        *Briefly contemplates giving a fake name because I sure wasn’t going to give my real one. Proceeds to have an inward monologue: Why should I give him any name at all? He’s a stranger, whom I don’t feel comfortable talking to. Surely societal norms don’t dictate politeness to this extent! How about we just go with the truth Val? What’s the worst that could happen? He get’s mad? Thinks you’re too proud? It’s 2016 for goodness sake! You should be able to speak your mind freely!*

                (Note: this entire monologue took place within the span of 2 seconds...and then I replied)

                Yes, I do mind

Him:      What?

Me:        I mind. I don’t want to give you my name

                *turns back to book*

Him:      Pole sana kama nimekukosea (I’m very sorry if I have wronged you in any way)

Me: *still facing book*

                Ni sawa (It’s ok)

*Conductor comes round to collect fare*

Him:      *addressing the conductor*

                Wawili (I’ll pay for two)

Me:        Hapana, nitajilipia (No, I will pay for myself)

                *I hand the conductor my fare leaving no room for arguement*

   Needless to say, the bus ride was uneventful after this. He went on making phone calls, and I went on reading my book. But maybe there is a need to say how uneventful it was. Because sometimes in this country when a random man tries to talk to you and you ignore him, you get insulted. Or worse, sometimes things turn violent. So we have a society of women who try to be ‘polite’ to avoid drama and the situation turning dangerous; and a society of men, some of who may feel entitled to having a woman reciprocate whatever interest they may show. There’s something very wrong with that picture. This is the culture we need to say no to.

   Maybe it’s the fact that the book I was reading that day was ‘Americanah’ by Chimamanda and I was feeling a little bold. But we need to come to a point where both genders are respected equally. A point where rejection doesn’t shatter egos and doesn’t become a pride issue. A point where 'no' means 'no' and 50% of the population is able to say that without the fear of any backlash. I think we all know what 50% I’m talking about.

Ciao...