Words from the friend-zone (Laptop Archives #1)


   Everyone currently living in and from the +254 region is glued to their TV screens and laptop screens anxiously waiting for the election results to stream in. In the name of looking for a distraction to while away the hours and the tension, I started scrolling through my laptop archives (he he!) and found this piece that I wrote a while back. So enjoy...


Dear X,
   The idea of you and me is entrancing, seductive even. I think we match. Of course we match! That’s why we’re already friends. But it’s also why this is wrong. This is a mistake. This would be me going down a road that won’t give me leave. What we have right now is perfect the way it is. There’s no reason to muddle this friendship because of fleeting feelings. At least I hope to God that they are fleeting, because the alternative if far scarier than I’d like to confront right now. So don’t be surprised if I pull away. Don’t be surprised if I start ignoring you. This is for my own self-preservation, to keep my sanity intact.
   There are too many variables in these new possibilities. And I admit that just this once I’m going to be a coward. Me who always pushes those around me to take risks. Me who is fearless in the face of disaster and disappointment. Yes, I’m going to tuck my tail between my legs and hide under a blanket until this storm has passed.
   Don’t judge me! I have my reasons. And they are very valid if I might say so myself. I’ve been hurt before when I was just a friend when I really wanted to be more. And though the scars of that time are long gone and I’ve healed completely, I’m cautious. So this, with you, is NOT something that I’m going to jump into feet first.
   Hey, you know that old adage? The one about loving something but setting it free, and if it’s yours it’ll come back? Well I’m not saying that I love you or anything because then I wouldn’t have the clarity to write this letter, but I’m saying that I’m going to step back. Yes, you heard me. I’m not going to pursue you or do anything remotely infatuation-related. And in the end, if this was a one sided affair, I’ll breathe easy and give a sigh of relief for having dodged that bullet. But if unlikely love does spring from this despite all my resistance and pulling away, then I’ll give a smile that’s meant only for you and you’ll read this letter with the knowledge that it was about you and it represented all the things that made me vulnerable to you.

Love,
You friend


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Foodie Fridays: Shepherd's pie with nyama choma

Image
   I've always wanted to try Shepherd's pie but I never did because we don't  have an actual pie-dish. But then I saw this recipe on Kawi Snippets and I just had to try it. She used a baking tin instead...talk about a light-bulb moment! She also used cheese and I love cheese! For the recipe, check out her blog here .    I however added my own twist to the dish. We had some left-over nyama choma ( Roasted goat ) in the fridge so I figured I'd just re-purpose it. I used the same recipe but swapped the mince-meat with nyama choma. I also garnished with tomatoes and parsley. Here's how it turned out: Meat in the baking tin...just needs the potato layer This is before baking. I'm a sucker for garnishes Fresh out of the oven Bon appetite! Ciao...
Read more

We need adultier adults

Image
   This meme is a running joke between me and my friends. Or my friends and I. We occasionally post on social media about how we have successfully 'adulted' for the day. ' Adulting ' being the act of successfully doing something grown- up that you've never done before.Keyword being: successfully. And I know that there is a section of baby-boomers that's sick of this millennial habit of constantly documenting our supposed triumphs for the whole world to see, but I'm pretty sure they'd be doing the same thing if they'd this technology at their disposal in their hey-day. Heck! who I am I kidding?! They did do the same thing.. through phone calls, letters and postcards.    But back to the meme. Being an adult is hard work.. the first time around anyway. I had an experience last year when I accompanied 3 teenage girls to the hospital. Reason being we were at camp and I was a counsellor and they had some injuries that needed to be looked at by a docto...
Read more

Different kinds of people in the exam room

Image
Disclaimer: Based on a true story! He he! I’ve always wanted to say that! I had a Surgery CAT today. Technically yesterday since it’s past midnight. So at some point after finishing the paper and waiting for the question papers to be collected I realised that there are many different personality groups to be observed while an exam is ongoing. They say that stress does strange things to people, well here’s what I’ve seen so far. 1. The star-gazer Or should I say ceiling-gazer. They've read the question, don't know the answer so the look up in the hope that they'll see it. I mean if God can do walls surely He can write on ceilings too! Right? Anybody? Ok, then. But sometimes this strategy actually works and they suddenly remember the answer! 2. The artist Ordinary student who suddenly becomes a Michelangelo during the exam. Their question paper ( if they were handed answer sheets ) or rough paper will be full of creative doodles and will look something li...
Read more