Words from the friend-zone (Laptop Archives #1)


   Everyone currently living in and from the +254 region is glued to their TV screens and laptop screens anxiously waiting for the election results to stream in. In the name of looking for a distraction to while away the hours and the tension, I started scrolling through my laptop archives (he he!) and found this piece that I wrote a while back. So enjoy...


Dear X,
   The idea of you and me is entrancing, seductive even. I think we match. Of course we match! That’s why we’re already friends. But it’s also why this is wrong. This is a mistake. This would be me going down a road that won’t give me leave. What we have right now is perfect the way it is. There’s no reason to muddle this friendship because of fleeting feelings. At least I hope to God that they are fleeting, because the alternative if far scarier than I’d like to confront right now. So don’t be surprised if I pull away. Don’t be surprised if I start ignoring you. This is for my own self-preservation, to keep my sanity intact.
   There are too many variables in these new possibilities. And I admit that just this once I’m going to be a coward. Me who always pushes those around me to take risks. Me who is fearless in the face of disaster and disappointment. Yes, I’m going to tuck my tail between my legs and hide under a blanket until this storm has passed.
   Don’t judge me! I have my reasons. And they are very valid if I might say so myself. I’ve been hurt before when I was just a friend when I really wanted to be more. And though the scars of that time are long gone and I’ve healed completely, I’m cautious. So this, with you, is NOT something that I’m going to jump into feet first.
   Hey, you know that old adage? The one about loving something but setting it free, and if it’s yours it’ll come back? Well I’m not saying that I love you or anything because then I wouldn’t have the clarity to write this letter, but I’m saying that I’m going to step back. Yes, you heard me. I’m not going to pursue you or do anything remotely infatuation-related. And in the end, if this was a one sided affair, I’ll breathe easy and give a sigh of relief for having dodged that bullet. But if unlikely love does spring from this despite all my resistance and pulling away, then I’ll give a smile that’s meant only for you and you’ll read this letter with the knowledge that it was about you and it represented all the things that made me vulnerable to you.

Love,
You friend


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